托福作文!帮忙改一下,第一次写,希望大家别笑话!
发布网友
发布时间：2022-04-25 02:32
共3个回答
热心网友
时间：2023-10-21 13:59
你好，很高兴为你解答！
我帮你修改吧，托福写作要求不高的，我每次写作都将近满分
The social condition is under no circumstance proved to be much comfortable in the past than it is today.改为：Our circumstance is no better than the past.（你的太罗嗦啦，而且conmfortable不可以用来修饰环境，环境只能好和坏，环境舒适的英文是：confortable environment不是comfortable circumstance.
2 it is easier to succeed in 改为：it is easier to be succesful.感觉上比较好。语法上没错误。因为一般我们讲we succeeed而不是it is succeed.不太地道
3Among the disadvantages in the past is hardly to have access to new science and technology procts. 改为Lacking of new science and technology creates large disadvantages in the past.
4 condition and fundamental 这里fundamental应该省去。我理解中文是想说什么，但是有些时候不需要这些并列
5no one can deny that by no means it is easier to succeed in the past.
这句试图写的华丽，其实过分复杂了。另外只有consequently没有in consequent这个词组。这句话建议改为：consequently,it is hard to be successful in the past either.
6 Undeniable though the difficulties that to be a success in the past are, we should never neglect that it is still not an easy thing today. 这句表达上问题很很大，我改为：Despising the hardship that preventing us to be successful in the past, we are difficult to succeed today in many ways.
7Although the communicating methods today are considerably enhanced,
改为Although communitaion developtment is accelerating,
8 Imagine you were an expert in programming language,（这句话结构不完整）Life abounds with such examples. Imagine you were an expert in programming language, hunting for a job about computer. 改为：For instance, if you are an exprert in computer science aspect and look forward to become an computer engineer.(首先an expert in后面加擅长领域，programming language不是一门学科，这门学科叫做computer science.然后我们可以说job hunting但是不能说hunt for a job.然后即便如此也不能说about something.我们可以直接说擅长哪个领域，想变成什么职位，比较直接明了）
9in this day and life常见的中式英语。其实你想表达的就是如今生活中之类，一般用nowadaus 或者at present即可
另外小提示，作文中尽量避免you开头，可以用we，但是你不能用you，对着改卷的老师，显得很没礼貌。
还有动词开头尽量少用，虽然我们英语老师会觉得句型丰富，很喜欢但是外国人很讨厌。
文章中转折词用的很到位，很有逻辑性。就是语句表达问题比较重，很多比较中式英语，希望多揣摩一下
回答的很幸苦，花了好多时间，希望对你有帮助
如果还有作文修改问题可以百度向我提问。
这篇文章还可以更加精心修改，比如语法没问题但是不够精致的部分，如果有需要也可以找我讨论，我几乎每天都会在线。
希望能被采纳，谢谢。祝你考试成功！
热心网友
时间：2023-10-21 14:00
1、第一段的第一句话，不能就写个i agree。要写的详细，你赞同哪个观点。
2、开头字母大写。你这里面好多字母都没有大写，这个按照错字来算的。
3、很多地方看不懂你要说什么。最好要举例子。
4、总体字数偏少。
5、很多语法错误。
最后能得你的作文再limited那档，10-15分吧
热心网友
时间：2023-10-21 14:00
I agree. sport and social activity (is)more and more important in our college even more important than our class and libraries.
For one thing, as for Sport. sport,what can exercises(exercise) student(s) for future succes.students,studying too much,are easily get the ill.students should do enough exercises every day.because exercises can enhance immunity. Study what always cost energy until to ill, so that is why so important to exercises.
For another thing,social activity what is as important as study. Have a good interpersonal relationship is a successful person symbolized.suck like some famous person. The reason why they can be succes because they have a good interpersonal relationship to help them. And a good interpersonal relationship need a lot of social activity to structure. So social activity also a important job.
But some people think students don’t need to social activity they just need care about study. Work and get a good life that is why we need to study. So social activity that can help you get a good job and make more friends to let you feel comfortable in your life.
From what has been discussed above, the conclusion is drawn that sports and social activities are as important as classed and libraries and should receive equal investment. I belive student will be success after school when they exercises and do a lot social activity in the college.
没法改,你完全在用english写中文.不建议你去参加考试
